Earlier this week a friend accused me of having the Blue Cross/Blue Shield nurse line on speed dial. For the record, I do NOT. But I have used it a lot this year. And I think the record will show that I have been justified. In the last 11 months I have: Spent six weeks agonizing through hives that struck each night around 6pm and itched away until noon the next day...then started again at 6...Developed a sudden deathly allergy to ibuprofen after 37 years of a lovely relationship with the drug- this new allergy apparently was the cause behind my random eye/lip swellings that culminated with the closing of my windpipe and a trip to the ER...Had a melon sized cyst show up in my abdomen, which was treated (in a way you probably would rather not hear about) and appeared to disappear, only to return 3 months later closer to the size of a basketball...Got that surgically removed...and...Suffered through a three month bout with impetigo... SO. I might have dialed up the old nurse line once or twice, I admit it.
But my call last week has caused me to have to sever my relationship with this service. Here's why: About two weeks ago I noticed a weird bite on my leg. It looked like a spider bite of some sort, but was eerily similar to a bite I had about five years ago that gradually morphed into a 'bullseye' that indicatied lyme's disease. So I kept my eye on this one. And sure enough, right after my doctor's office closed for the week I took a look and there was the bullseye. Now, I live in urban St. Paul, but we are surrounded by deer tick country and lyme's disease is something to look out for and to act on immediately. The bullseye rash shows up in about 80% of the cases, usually a couple days to a couple weeks after the tick bite. If this is caught early, it just gets you a 10 day course of antibiotics, but if you miss the early signs, the disease can be totally debilitating. A quick google search of lyme's brought up an article about one guy who was using lyme's disease as part of his MURDER DEFENSE. You don't want to mess with this. So, when I noticed that the bite had turned into the telltale bullesye I got out my health insurance card and called the nurse line. I told the nurse who answered that I had a weird bite, it looked like the well known (at least in these parts) lyme's bullseye and I had for her one question: Seeing as it was Saturday morning, was it best for me to go to urgent care and get on antibiotics immediately, or could I wait until my doctor's office was open again on Monday? Of course she went right into to her list of questions that her computer program prompted her to ask me once I said I had a bite. I patiently answered no to most of them, and then I asked, "Are you familiar with deer ticks and lyme's disease?" She assured me that she was. I reiterated that I thought that this is what it was. She then asked, and I quote directly: "Did you see the tick?"
"No- but I didn't last time either."
"Well, you always have to remove the tick- they don't fall off."
"I don't think that's true...."
"Well if you didn't see the tick, then you have to find some evidence of the tick..." (Please recall that the rash can show up 2-3 weeks after the bite and that these ticks are the size of poppy seeds!) "Like, can you see any tick hairs or tick poop?"
It is here that I must admit that when she asked this, before the ludicrousness of this question hit me, I did indeed lean down and look real close...trying to discern if there was by any chance..."No...I can't...thanks for your help..."
And that was the end of my relationship with the nurseline. Really. Tick poop? From an animal the size of a popply seed? After two weeks have passed? I do shower every now and then.
For the record, I waited until Monday, went in to the doctor, got the confirmation that it was a lyme's rash, and started my 10 days of antibiotics. The wait until Monday did cause me to suffer through a wicked 48 hour headache that was like nothing I have ever experienced before. I mentioned it to my aunt who had lyme's a while back, and she knew the headache, called it 'electrical', and I agree. But that was it. After about 2 days on the pills I felt great.
Tick poop. Really.