Eli participates in a book group at school with a retired man who loves to challenge the kids. In fifth grade they did things like read Macbeth, carry on a debate about controversial topics such as uses of welfare money, and literary analyses complete with cited sources. When a big project is due, David, the leader, brings in treats, and coffee. Last year Eli took a taste or two and called it good. This year things changed and earlier this year he downed two full cups, one of them black. This on almost an empty stomach due to his inability to consume any of his lunch during the mad dash that is their lunch break. When I stopped by to help out in his math class the kid was positively alight and buzzing with energy. He was clicking the mouse on his computer to make a calculator appear/disappear/appear/disappear and looking at me with wild eyes as he explained about his coffee consumption.
That evening he seemed ok, but going to sleep proved to be a problem. He came down to the couch at 10 saying he couldn't sleep. At 11 he found me in bed to report the same problem. He allowed me to doze from 11 to 1, but stopped in frequently to report on his sleeplessness. I thought that it might not be the best time to have a discussion about logical consequences- but I was getting frustrated that I was paying the consequences along with the caffienated child. We finally both managed to get a few hours rest, but in the morning, as I rather vindicatively shook him awake before the sun rose I asked, "Well, did you learn anything from that?" He looked a little sheepish but didn't have much to say.
Later that day, as I battled fatigue due to Eli's hyper night, I decided to send of an email to his teacher, letting her know about the coffee incident. I told her I didn't think that it had to stop, necessarily, but I begged her to ask David to have a talk to the kids about reasonable limits and setting some for themselves. She replied that she would talk to David at the first opportunity. I urged her to help David find a way to continue the fun tradition, but with limits. I felt like I was talking behind Eli's back, so I let him in on the email convo, trying to shine a pre-emptive light on how reasonable I had been in my request.
Well. Last night on the way home from fencing, Theo ZB mentioned that his group had met with David to turn in their papers and that there was no coffee! No treats! Theo and the rest of the group were devastated. Eli got real quiet. Then mentioned something about me and my meddling ways. Then the conversation went on to different things and Eli was a very loving pre-teen last night. Gave me hugs, told me he loved me, asked for a snuggle.
He woke up a teenager. It started with asking for advice about if he should take a shower or not. And then loudly decrying the inadequacies of my advice giving. At breakfast he was surly and quiet. When I inquired into the issue at hand I was told that I had 'ruined everything' by getting involved in the coffee thing. Now all the kids will be mad and it's all my fault. I tried to defend myself, pointing out that I had not called for an all out ban, just limits, and that it was quite possible that other parents had mentioned something as well. I might as well have been talking to an iceberg. That would have at least shown a sign or two of melting, given the global warming situation. Eli remained frigid. Angry. Sad. Tore me apart, actually. I admit I meddled. But I also want to point out that the book club leader was not showing good judgement, letting kids who weigh less than 80 pounds consume bottomless cups of coffee. That doesn't soften old Eli however.
I emailed Jon to give him an overview of the situation on the homefront. He pointed out that Eli had been so extra sweet and loving last night, there had to be some readjustment. Wise man. Hopefully the pendulum has swung back closer to the middle of the road by the time he gets home from school here. I have learned a lesson. Next time I meddle, I will not tell Eli that I did so.
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